if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
