would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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