Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
