i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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