Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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