i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
