The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
