Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
