you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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