god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
