He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
