I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
