My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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