Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
