my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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