it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
