member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
