I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
