five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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