I think i peed on brittanys purse
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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