I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
