it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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