I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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