are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
