Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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