I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
