you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am midnight drunk by noon
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
