Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
