Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My pussy is not your playground.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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