so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
