Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
