We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
