When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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