even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
