I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
