its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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