dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
