just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
