3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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