The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
