Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
