Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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