I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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