There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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