I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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