she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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