if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
