That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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