i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
