i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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