OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
