I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
