and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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