She went from zero to smokin in five shots
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
