I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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