it wasn't lemon gatorade
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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