the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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