Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
