Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
