I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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