very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
