Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Panties = found
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
