Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
