Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
