Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
