My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
